There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
