Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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