can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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