So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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