You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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