It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
