my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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