it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
worst night to have a conscience
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
