i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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