planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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