he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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