he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
