Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
