he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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