I'm jealous of your bromance
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
