Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
