he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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