If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
