THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
