these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
