I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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