If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
