I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
