why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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