This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
