I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
