we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
