Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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