At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
