This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
