Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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