you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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