sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
