I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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