I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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