so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
