Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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