Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
