I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
