Just fell off a train. Bad.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
