I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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