just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
