I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
