hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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