I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
