Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
