I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
