I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm at about main and main street
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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