Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Randomize
