You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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