WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
