How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
