Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
